Glutton for Punishment

I have sinned. This was a bad week for me - a week of unintended gluttony. A sampler of my thee day feast:

• Olive Garden's Chicken Vino Bianco and unlimited breadsticks
• TGIFriday's saucer sized Oreo Madness cookie sundae
• East's $16 Chinese food and sushi lunch buffet
• Large lasagna pizza

How fortunate for me that my weekend was over. But the fun didn't end there: I had a client dinner Tuesday night at the Strip House, a high end steak place by Union Square. I was convinced into getting the ribeye because it was "fattier." And from the first flavorful bite, I tasted delicious steak, slightly crispy, dripping with juices and butter. And bite after bite, more grease and butter. Sometimes my food challenges me... It sits on my plate and mocks me with aromas and fancy garnish. And the ribeye tonight was my most brazen opponent yet. Halfway through, I was beaten. I no longer tasted a cut of perfectly cooked beef. I only felt charred grease from my tongue to my tummy. Flashbacks of breadsticks and sushi added to my discomfort. I surrendered my fork down and ordered a beer to settle things down. (The beer found conflict though with the two glasses of red wine already taking up vacancy in my gut.) After the creme brulee, apple strudel, and chocolate profiterol, the clients were happy, stomachs were heavy, and I needed desperately to lie down on the carpeted restaurant floor.

Wednesday, the next morning, I felt like a man who was 8 months pregnant on a sailboat. I'll take the day easy and get some Chexican (which is Mexican food prepared by Chinese people). A cheap beef fajita and chicken quesadilla for lunch... was my worst choice of 2006. And lo and behold - an appointment on my calendar for this evening - a birthday dinner at a Korean barbecue restaurant. Before the work day ends, I add "911" to my cell phone's speed dial.

I intend to drink water and not eat unlimited anything for the next few days, at least. Forgive my sin - If this feeling of day after day nausea was what I had to pay for gluttony, I will never sin again.

Valentine's Day for Men

Valentine's Day has the highest potential for man trouble, out of any official calendar holiday. Today, February 14th, the men of the office are interrogated with "What are you doing for her"" while the women are inquired "What's he doing for you?" I caught one fellow man out the door at lunch to run to the spa for a last-minute gift, and he informed me that there were four other guys in front of him with the same idea. The trains were crowded with fistfuls of flowers and boxes of sweets from the local drugstore, all clutched by men, sweating from their panicked shopping sprees.

Who's plan was it to force men into a more stressful state than in the days before Christmas? Was Saint Valentine a man hater? Why do only the men have to prove their love?

In fact, you ladies should consider these Valentine-themed gifts for next year:

• If you received a bouquet of 12+ roses that will die in the next 48 hours; consider a case of 12+ cans of beer that he will drink in the next 48 hours
• If you received a heart-shaped box of chocolates; consider a heart shaped steak, cooked rare so it's pink in the middle.
• If you received jewelry - an Xbox 360 with heart-red faceplate

With these simple suggestions, make any man look forward to the next Valentine's Day!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run before the drug store closes...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Snow Day

It snowed in New York yesterday. The forecast called for up to 12 inches on Saturday, depending on your weather source, and at 8 PM the snow still wasn't sticking yet. By midnight the cars were blanketed in scattered white and the sidewalks had a little sprinkling, like in those old Magic Carpet commercials. By 7 AM Sunday morning, small children were Iost in the fortresses of snow surrounding every house.

The city broke a new record: 26.9 inches of snow in Central Park. The previous record of 26.4 inches occurred back in 1947, before there was a weather.com. (Imagine how surprised the New Yorkers back then were!) The next few days we'll see warming weather, and much slushiness abound in town. Although I'm not sure at this point if I'd rather have a sore lower back from shoveling, or cold and wet feet from slush-puddle hopping.

Keep your boots on and watch your step, New York.

Happy ValenSwine's

I saw something quite amusing on the news yesterday. Apparently, February 13th is a recognized holiday - ValenSwine's Day. This is the day that restaurants and other romantic spots expect an influx of romantic men - to wine and dine their mistresses, reserving the actual Valentine's Day for their wives. I was certainly impressed when I heard this, and I hope this alleviates the stereotype that men are inconsiderate and never remember the important holidays.

See the full 3 minute video story here from the WB 11 News in New York...

Cult Of The Groundhog

Today was Groundhog Day! Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous climate predicting rodent, states that we will have 6 more weeks of winter. I wouldn't say that's a bad thing, since we've been having a very mild winter in NY so far, don't ya' think?

I did a little research and watched this video from Netscape.com - the fat little hairy guy in the picture is named after the town in Pennsylvania where they perform the ceremony, and they've been doing it since 1886 (hopefully with more than one groundhog by now). The slightly larger guy in the top hat is a member of the "Inner Circle," a disturbingly-sounding cult-like name for a group of well-dressed, older gentlemen who have dedicated a good portion of their public life to running this ceremony once a year and taking care of the idolised ball of fur. If you visit Groundhog.org, you can see to 20+ members of the Inner Circle, and can wonder like me, why it takes so many men to feed one groundhog.