The Big KL's IM Of The Day

I will not be discouraged from winning an Xbox 360 with these idle threats...

***************: plus
***************: i hope you know
***************: mountain dew kills sperm

Diet Dew

That's wrong. Someone bought all the regular Mountain Dews from my local deli, so I'm stuck with Diet Mountain Dew now. Damn you, local Mountain Dew drinkers.

I need your help collecting Xbox codes more than ever now. Or else I'll be convulsing from caffeine and losing weight.

On a more positive note, I learned that a new Dunkin Donuts just opened up, walking distance from the job.

Every 10 Minutes

Pepsi has a new promotion. There's a chance to win the new Xbox 360 every ten minutes. You get a code underneath the cap of Pepsi products, and then you enter it into their site. Then you can pick a 10 minute block of time and, if your entry is randomly drawn from that slot, you win a new Xbox 360.

I've already replaced my morning coffee with a Mountain Dew, but there is only so much I can Dew before I begin convulsing from caffeine. So all you Pepsi-product drinkers, don't waste your entries, and send me the codes from your caps! If I win, you can come over and play it with me.

Checking Out

Stepping quickly into my building's elevator, thinking only about my cup of coffee and black and white cookie in my brown paper bag, I hear quick footsteps towards the elevator door from the hallway. After pressing "3," I step to the back wall of the elevator and face out, knowing that whoever is coming has time to slip in before the door slides closed, saving me from the over-zealous effort of holding the "Door Open" button. In steps a short blonde, Rollerblades strapped to a small backpack. The Rollerblades catch my eye, and I think that even with the Rollerblades on, I'm still taller than my new elevator companion. As they step into the elevator, they pause for the briefest of seconds, and I sense a look, too long to be a glance. I make eye contact. The blonde quickly turns away and presses the "5" button. Was I just being stared at? Does this person recognize me? I sure don't recognize them... The door slides closed.

Anyone who has ridden in my elevator knows how slow it is. Just going to the third floor probably takes about 15 seconds. Within this span, my eyes gravitate towards the closed door directly in front of me, which is what people tend to do when they're in an elevator, since it's rude to stare at your fellow passengers, unless you know them. This little blonde though, back against the wall to my left, is staring at me. I have pretty good peripheral vision, and not only can I feel myself being stared at, I can see the eyes looking at me. When my eyes lock forward, probably with a subconscious look of awareness, or the ever-telling single raised eyebrow of mine, the blonde turns away.

On the lit number three and respective ding of the intended destination, the elevator slows to a halt and it's finally my cue to escape. The door opens, and as if on cue, the blonde is staring again. Staring until I get out and turn left.

Should I be flattered? I guess I should be. Even if I was single though, that little blonde guy just wasn't my type.

The Big KL's IM Of The Day

Don't think about this one too hard...

******: But I'd be in a puddle of my own urine next to you

The Big KL's IM Of The Day

I do believe this was meant to be a compliment:

*******: she is cute
*******: in that immigrant third world sort of way

The Running Man, Part II

As of today, I have successfully completed three runs. (The second run wasn't worth noting - I think I ran the same distance, just in the opposite direction - intentionally, mind you.) What happened today though, I am proud to share publicly with you, my loyal readers.

After my second run past the pier and a floating crane, I learned that my co-workers run well past this landmark, and run about twice as far. How disappointing to know that I only ran half their distance. Then when I asked where the stopped, they replied, "We didn't stop. We ran back when we hit..." (I blanked out on what was said because at this point in my mind I realized I only ran a quarter of the distance that they ran, because I stop for a 5 minute plus rest at my halfway point.)

So today I ventured out with this depressing distance calculation in mind. I started my run, and tried not to think too hard about how tired I was getting so quickly. And I ran, until I hit the public restroom and the crepe place, which was thankfully closed so late in the evening. (This, faithful readers, was my stopping point as I had mentioned in my previous post.) What I did here, I can hardly believe even now that I would even consider, much less accomplish. I ran the trail the long way around the crepe place, and turned back along the path I came from. I ran with the determination to reach my starting point, without stopping... and I made it. Today I doubled my original running distance, and still retained consciousness without falling down, even once.

While others run marathons across all five boroughs, across cities and states, I personally ran past the distance of the crepe stand, and now that I know that can be done, I'm going to got further every chance I get.

Baby Bite

So we went to visit my nephew-in-law today, and the little tike is now up on his hind legs, stomping around like a knee high Godzilla, pulling and tugging on anything at his eye level. He's still smiling like he just heard the funniest joke in his one year lifetime, and it gets funnier every five minutes. And he does this odd thing where he sounds like he's clearing his throat, like a deep "a-a-a-a-hem" - so it's like a throat clearing cackle that he pulls off at will, and he has me in tears when he does it.

Wifey picked him up and got her arm a bit too close to his chomper... and he bit down pretty hard, leaving a four tooth scar indentation, as seen to the right. This photo was taken hours later after it happened, so we're hoping she isn't scarred for life.

Day of the T-Shirts

Before noon today, I've been exposed to three t-shirts that made me chuckle. I rarely see one t-shirt that would even make me smile, so this makes an exceptionally interesting start to my day.

T-Shirt #1: An Asian girl on the train is wearing a pink one that says "Everybody likes an Asian girl." Indeed. (I would like one of these for myself.)

T-Shirt #2: I actually didn't see this one, but they talked about it on the radio. With the rush of the Sixth (?) installment of Harry Potter, and it's much talked about surprise ending, there is a T-Shirt out that says "XXXX kills XXXXX on pg. XXX."

T-Shirt#3: Finally, my co-worker was wearing one of these. She was sitting in a swivel conference room chair, so I first saw the following on the front in happy, curly-q letters:
"Dream like you will live forever..."
Oh, what a happy shirt... And then she spun around enough in her chair that I saw the back:
"...live like you will die tomorrow."
Now that's some depressing shirt. I'm lucky I saw the front of the shirt first, or I would have had a breakdown right then and there in the conference room.

Happy... uh... Engagement!

Just got the news... Congrats to peanve's lil' sis on her engagement!

Happy Bithday Little Big Sister!

Happy Birthday to the girl downstairs, who I'm sure was responsible for changing my diaper at least a couple of times when we were growing up!

Running Man

So I went for my first outdoor run today, down by the West Side Highway. I'm not sure why people on that path, panting and sweating through their clothes, seem to be enjoying themselves. All masochists, I'd guess.

During the run, I had no watch, so decided to judge myself on distance rather than time. I would look ahead and see a stop sign, or traffic cone, and use that as my goal. If nothing was hurting too much by the first goal, I would look for another goal. I felt my body deteriorating the further I ran. My shins were the first to feel it. Then the stomach. Then the heart. I decided my goal would be the public men's room up ahead, because by that time I felt like I needed to vomit. A little bit further past the men's room, was a crepe and dessert stand. That was enough to give me renewed energy to run just a little bit further. Luckily, I was too out of breath to be able to say "One crepe with extra whipped cream, please." So I walked off the rest of the way past the crepe stand and took in the fresh seawater scent of the Hudson River, mingling with the effervescent exhaust from the West Side Highway, before continuing my jog back.

I'm hoping to keep this up at least once a week for now, and when the weather gets cooler, twice a week. If all of a sudden you no longer see updates to the blog, then I probably didn't make it back from my last run.

Macho Pocky

I'm sure you all know what Pocky is... Long biscuits covered in chocolate, with a convenient non-chocolate end for holding? Found in Asian supermarkets and grocery stores everywhere.

The normal gang was hanging out in a new dessert place tonight, because we were too far from Little Italy and no place locally was big enough to fit our gang of seven. So we found some empty tables, with enough chairs to accommodate, and hung out this evening in a Japanese grocery mart seated next to a homeless person and her jar of peanut butter. One of my friends was roaming the aisles and called my attention to the box you see on the right: Men's Pocky. Pocky for men?? Why??? Higher protein and testosterone content than in normal Pocky, I thought. My innate detective skills investigated immediately... There is a different type of cocoa in the ingredients list, and there is a higher amount of saturated fat and 10 times the amount of cholesterol than in normal Pocky. Nowhere on the box does it actually explain the difference though. Hmmm...

I came to the conclusion that there doesn't need to be a difference. We need things that are separate for men. Remember when Structure was a men's clothing store? Then it became "Express for Men?" Express sells women's clothes! They can't sell men's clothes too. We need men clothes, men's rooms, and men food. It's evolution.

If you wish to discuss more Pocky, I found a board dedicated to the Super Snack here.

More stuff for men, I say.

Giving Away *sniff*

Everyone knows the sacrifices I've made since being married... The limited video gaming hours... the toys in the attic... I'm half the man I used to be.

Today, wifey has left me alone in the house with the one task that has taken me two years to finish (with not much end in sight): "Clean the back room."

I'm a nostalgic pack rat. I shed a tear when my wife found the seating card in my old suit to my High School prom and threw it out.

I am now sharing the material possessions of my rich youth with you, faithful readers.

I have for gifting:

• An Old School Word Processor - state of the art for it's time (1995), you can edit your words right on screen, and save documents to floppy disks! Weighs a light weight 30 pounds, and include revolutionary storage space for 3 additional floppy disks! Also doubles as a manual typewriter, for filling in tax forms and ransom letters. By our favorite portable word processor manufacturer, Brother.
• 100 Pound Weight Set - give or take a few pounds. This weight set is endorsed by world famous body builder Joe Weider. Being that I have graduated to lifting many more pounds, a mere 100 pounds will not do. I received this as a sixteenth birthday gift from my sister. Includes barbell, two dumbbell handles, and various plates, with matching collars. In fashionable red and black, with durable iron construction. Be as buff as I was when I was 16!
  
• Light Weight Paper Shredder - fairly recent, bought it myself from Staples, to shred documents I don't want my wif- er, I mean my lawyers to see. In perfect working condition, shreds up to three sheets at a time (hence "light weight") and is made to fit over any garbage can with adjustable supports. Great for making confetti for any special occasion.
  

Let me know if interested in any of these fabulous items! No money is necessary (if I know you); just give these things a good home.

How Was My Trip

My first full day back, displaying my new tan (making me truly tall, dark, and handsome), spawned countless "how was your trip?" questions today. Did you know "Puerto Rico" means "Port of Riches" in Spanish? Pretty obvious, but I never thought about it before. Anyway, here are the highlights:

• Night time kayaking in bioluminescent bay: Paddling a kayak in pitch darkness through stabbing mangrove trees, where the water lights up like black light on white, due to the millions of microorganisms who spark up like fireflies in the water when agitated.
• The Bacardi Rum Factory: Acres of beautiful landscape, like an alcoholic Disneyland, where they shuttle you around to different buildings and give you free rum-infused drinks. I learned the difference between Bacardi Silver and Gold, and where that bat logo came from.
• El Morro and San Cristobal Forts: Puerto Rico is the gateway to the Caribbean, and what better watchdogs than 6 story fortresses with 150 feet tall walls, and 500 cannons a piece of varying shapes and sizes.

And the low lights:

• Forgetting my contact lenses - every time I stepped from an air conditioned indoor environment or vehicle to the natural, hot and humid outdoors, my glasses would fog up for several minutes.
• Mosquitoes - these little pests are smaller than New York mosquitoes, making them harder to see and detect. You'll know you're around mosquitoes only after they bite you.
• Domino's Pizza - they close at midnight - especially disappointing after a day of hiking and kayaking and no dinner.

Old State Of Mine

Just a quick update to let you know I'm back from my trip. Touched down last night around 12:30 AM, about 45 minutes later than what was intended. (We were also late taking off, so that's two strikes so far.) Jet Blue also lost my $15 luggage lock, so I will probably complain. Otherwise good flight, tasty snacks, lotsa leg room, and I was able to watch "Hide and Seek" with Robert Deniro and Dakota Fanning on the flight up, so I would fly with them again, but just be conscious of their lack of tardiness.

I'm extremely groggy right now in my ergonomic office chair, and catching up with whatever was thrown at me the past few days work-wise. Will update this thing with more info later tonight.

Right now, I'm just looking for cheap food (I think we spent about $100 a day on "mofongo" and Subway sandwiches out there) and some rest.

Leaving On A Jet Plane

Deciding whether to pack six pairs of underwear or seven, imagining every possible scenario where you may actually need that extra pair of underwear, is stressful business. I'm taking a break from the packing right now to provide one last update in a while to my loyal readers.

We're getting ready for our 6:15 AM pick up to JFK airport for our 9 AM flight to San Juan, where we'll be basking in the sun and mosquitoes of Puerto Rico for the next six days. I'll be taking a break from the Blogging naturally, but will attempt to keep up the writing via old fashioned pen and paper, since my viewing audience has now more than doubled from when it was only me.

Look forward next week to stories about places where I wore a life vest to keep me alive, how I've gotten sunburned again, and general complaints about places that aren't New York and the main language isn't English. I'll see you all when I get back!

Happy Anniversary

With a reminder from my mom, and several friends and co-workers, (not that I forgot,) Happy Two Year Anniversary to my one and only. Two years already... time flies when we're having fun, eh?

Wrong Number

Cell phone rings. It's a 212 number.

"Hello?" I say. (I always answer in my manly, professional voice if I don't recognize the number, just in case.)

On the other end: "Caroline?"

I reply "Wrong number."

For anyone who has heard me speak... do I sound like a "Caroline?" (Even if Caroline was a heavy smoker?)

Geez...