Working At The Top

Sorry for the hiatus, loyal readers. I've begun new employment and have been busy with work and spending quality time with the Xbox 360 wife. My nephew (the bigger one) asked his mom/my sister if it was normal for one person to have three jobs in one year, referring to his uncle, of course. That's a testament to just one example of the good influences I'm having to the youth of tomorrow.

Although this breaks my "get-laid-off-every-two-years" streak, it was very liberating to hand in my resignation letter and for the first time be fully in control of my situation. The following two weeks after my resignation was spent exploring new areas of the Internet, and fully distracting other co-workers who had better things to do than watch me play with the chotchkes on their desks.

I'm just starting week 3 of the new gig. My new office is above the Manhattan Mall, where I can get Cajun chicken, video games, and teenage girl clothing without ever having to leave the building. (I've amassed frequent diner cards for three of the food court eateries so far.) Looking back ten years ago, my very first job was in the Electronics Boutique in the basement of the same building, and here I am now, just a few floors above it. I think that's what they call the "Circle of Life."

Things are going much better than I anticipated at this new place. I'm afraid to look back on this blog and see if this was my same feeling four months ago at the brand name company where I so readily resigned from. As I'm writing this, I have two friends who are beginning their first days at new jobs themselves. I had told them that changes like this can only lead to good. And I do believe that, so I'll stick to my guns and concentrate on moving forward and not looking back, unless someone complains how bad their job is, and I'm sure I can dig up some experiences from my past to top theirs.

Indiana Jones and the Last 360

What was merely an unfulfilled dream, the subject of many a blog entry, has finally become an unexpected reality. I am very proud to announce the newest addition to my family: a new Xbox 360!

How did I suddenly come across such a fortuitous clash of fate, and realization of the inevitable? I attended an annual benefit dinner last night for the Chinatown YMCA, where they were holding a silent auction, which included everything from tickets to Letterman, a small bottle of Louis the XIII (which I also placed a bid for), to kitchen appliances. And there against the back wall, an Xbox 360 and five games. I felt like what Indiana Jones must have felt when discovering the Holy Grail. I looked at my wife, who knew what I was thinking. And within that look flashed a vision of the giant rolling boulder, pits full of snakes and bugs, and a hallway of spinning blades and crushing stones. My quick whip-like brain snapped and produced a crack that sounded like "It's for a good cause..." Wifey, not a match for my reflexed defense, sighed "Go ahead then..." The boulder out ran, the pit traversed, the gauntlet conquered. And I didn't even lose the fedora.

I've yet to hook it up, which is another dilemma I have now, since such a fine piece of hardware should be joined only with a high definition television, preferably with a flat and wide screen. And that may have to wait for the sequel.

Moving Forward

If you took a chronological walkthrough of my resume, you would see a distinct pattern. Every two and a half years, I have gotten "downsized" and forced to move on. Today was a revolutionary change of pace and a first for me. I actually voluntarily resigned from my current professional endeavor. I've got a new opportunity, which I'll explain a bit more later on, when my obligatory two weeks here has expired and I've gotten the details ironed out. My downstairs sister and bro-in-law mentioned that I actually looked happier this morning on my way to work, and one of my co-workers made a similar comment. This was a rapid move, I know, since I've only been with my most recent company for about three months. But it's undeniably a good move for my career and an opportunity I can't pass up. And contrary to popular request, I am not going into exotic dancing... at least professionally.

Stay tuned for some positive changes...

Going My Way for $15

If a bus leaves NY bound for Boston traveling at 60 MPH, takes an exit turn off the highway at an extensive speed, how long will it take before it reaches Boston? Never, if it's a bus from the infamous Fung Wah. In the news yesterday, a Fung Wah bus bound for Boston took the exit for Route 12 too quickly and flipped on its side. Fortunately none of the 57 passengers was seriously injured, although 33 were admitted to a nearby hospital for minor cuts and bruises.

I recently returned from Boston riding one of these buses. The last time I rode one of these $15 coaches, it was a hush-hush operation, where you boarded the bus under the Manhattan bridge. A vendor would tackle anyone on the block with a bag, inquiring if they wanted to go to Boston, DC, Philly, or any other numerous cities. "Uh... I'm going to visit my mom, and this bag I'm carrying is a cup of coffee and a snack. But maybe I'll consider leaving the state if you keep asking me to. Now back off before I accidentally spill this hot coffee on you." Once boarding the bus, which sometimes was standing room only (yes, for $15, you do have the luxury of standing for the 4 hour ride), you would likely be surrounded by questionable characters and very loud cell phone conversations and people coughing. Once the ride was over, you would be dropped off in a notorious Asian gang-strewn area outside Boston's Chinatown, affectionately dubbed "The Combat Zone." From there, you're on your own to get to wherever you need to get to. Good luck blending in with your big overnight backpack and the disheveled just-came-off-the-Chinatown-bus look.

Nowadays, highly visible Fung Wah employees are wearing fancy maroon embroidered Polo shirts, encouraging orderly lines and selling tickets from their well-marked booth off the mouth of the Manhattan Bridge. The bus is till as crowded, but the passenger manifest now consists of students and tourists, readily willing to spend $15 to go back to school or see the sights. We pulled into Boston not in the outskirts of Chinatown, but now in brightly lit South Station (like Port Authority, but cleaner and with better food). They even have their own stand inside, and make announcements over the station loud speaker in a Chinese accent. I was so proud to see little Fung Wah so grown up.

Before this bus company gets a really bad rap, consider that a bus leaves NY to Boston probably every hour from 7 AM to 11 PM, almost twenty times a day, which during one week, is about 140 times. The last time a major accident was reported with this bus line was last August, when a bus was engulfed with flames. Don't be so dramatic... nobody was hurt either, and that was over 7,000 bus trips ago! I still think this bus is pretty darn safe, and what are you people complaining about for $15 a trip?

Eight Is Enough

My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles

My Very Excellent Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets

I'm sure you've heard by now, but Mother will need to do something new to compensate for the loss of Pluto as our Ninth planet. It all began on August 14th, when the International Astronomical Union met for 12 days to determine what Pluto should be considered, when a celestial body was discovered larger than Pluto, nicknamed "Xena." (Now disappointingly dubbed "2003 UB313," until they ponder a better name. You can't beat "Xena," in my opinion.) They voted on Pluto's status and what defines a planet , and decided that our beloved Pluto doesn't qualify.

The implications of this change in textbooks, astrological charts, and teaching materials will be the size of a planet (or dwarf planet). The amount of Styrofoam saved alone from not making that ninth planet in the science fair diorama could be astronomical.

It's a bit saddening to see something we've all grown up with become nothing, a once-scientific fact our children will never learn. Although it is also a bit relieving for me personally to see the biggest piece of news this past week not stem from Hollywood or the Middle East.

Nothing To Say

I know I've been quiet... It's because I've been told if you have nothing nice to say, you shouldn't say anything at all. And what I would like to say publicly, I can't, because my story might appear on page 36 of the New York Post in local news on how another person has lost their job because of things said publicly on their blog. (Just using the job as an example, of course.)

I would like to congratulate one of my loyal readers though on his engagement. I always knew he would make some girl very happy; I'm glad his new fiancee agreed with me. I also have a long distance dedication to another pair of friends who just got married out in California last weekend. Sorry I couldn't be there in person, but you know I wish you the best and much happiness. (You all might remember this guy as the really really drunk guy at my own wedding.)

On the baby front, my new nephew turned two years old last week, and my old nephew (the first and original nephew) and his family (a.k.a. my sister's family) got a brand new in ground pool, which was quite fancy and reminiscent of the Motel 6 pools I used to frequent as a recently graduated low income nomad. The baby everyone is asking about (no relation) is doing well, as you should read about in this much more frequently updated blog. And last but not least, is a friend's new addition who I've yet had the pleasure of meeting in person, as shown here: Wifey and I also reached our 3 year wedding anniversary. (Congratulations to her on the three happiest years of her life.) I forgot to call my oldest sister on her birthday last month, and am hoping not to repeat the same mistake twice for my older sister whose birthday is this month.

And I had a $1,000 car repair, and went shopping at Target yesterday.

So that sums up my last few weeks in one blog posting. I hope to have more news soon...

Red, Hot, and Wet

It happens every summer. One event will finally get me out of the house, and expose me to so many ultraviolet rays, I get sunburned to a crisp, and I'm reminded yet again of why I don't like to go outside.

This year, vers suggested that we go watch the Nathan's world famous hot dog eating contest. Since I'm walking distance from Coney Island, why not? And there on the corner of Surf and Stillwell Ave we basked in the hazy heat and scorching rays of a unextraordinarily summer-soaked Fourth of July. The scents of hot dogs and sweat hung in the air. And there we stood for two hours. The picture above is the evidence - no camera tricks or filters - it's my shoulder that's so red.

Being a 90 degree day, I was wearing one of my skimpier tank tops, while braver men around me wore nothing up top at all. Most noticeable was the slick, brazen, God of fast food standing extremely close to my left. I kept clear of his large belly and well oiled arms, using the random hairs poking out of his shoulder to gauge distance. The friendly Nathan's representatives were tossing out T-Shirts and novelties to the crowd. When one of exceptionally high trajectory seemed to be coming my way, this sweat soaked man leaned down to his son and said "Watch this!" I turned towards him, curious as to what was so interesting, and see a wall of flesh flying at me, creating a sizable impact against my own bare arm, thumping softly and sliding off like bacon from a frying pan. After profuse apologies, wifey handed me a couple of napkins to de-grease.

A couple of things I learned from that day:
· Wear sunscreen when I'm told to
· Kobiyashi is ripped
· Don't stand too close to shirtless men without some napkins

Since I'm sure you all know by now, due to the sheer global impact of this event, that Kobayashi won for the sixth year in a row, peaking at 53 and 3/4 hot dogs (beating his previous record of 53 and 1/2.) Joey Chestnut was a very close second, at one point beating Kobayashi by two dogs. And Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas came in a respectable third, beating out 425 pound Brooklyn local, Eric “Badlands” Booker (he's got his own homepage). More info here from ESPN, who was actually there covering the event: http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/news/story?id=2509226

Corporate World

"So how's the new job?" is the question of the month. It's going pretty well actually, thanks for asking. (Today willl be my one week anniversary.) I'm in a position of a bit of "higher" management now, so I've been spending more time in meetings then at my desk so far, and people are looking to me to help rather than me having to offer. Some people even think I have experience and wisdom! It's quite flattering.

I've spent my last two jobs at small companies, so going back to a corporate environment will take some getting used to. I went through a day and a half of training and orientation, kind of like Freshman orientation at college, which made me feel young again, at least for a few minutes, before I learned that half the group being trained just had their Freshman college orientation four years ago.

Some unique perks of working coporate again: our building has a nurse, masseuse, and a barber shop, where the late president's personal barber has worked at for at least a decade. And of course, a cafeteria where you can get a decent meal for around $5, and a company famous buffalo chicken salad, where popcorn shrimp sized nuggets of breaded buffalo chicken is tossed in a salad with bleu cheese dressing.

With a few hundred people sharing ofice space, and going through hurdles from of a team of 30 rather than 3 will take some getting used to, but I've always welcomed change, and time will tell is this place is right for me (or if I'm right for this place).

First Day On The Job

First day on the job. I'm sitting in my corner cubicle (this time with walls that go up to my neck), in front of a computer I cannot log into, staring at the image to the right till about 4 PM because my computer wasn't set up. My welcome packet is 40 pages long - but half of those pages are local food menus, which is a very good sign. I learned how to use the coffee maker; insert a pack of coffee and it makes a cup and disposes of the empty pack for you. Very cool. I visited the cafeteria - not as big as Credit Suisse or BMG's cafeteria, but clean and more economical than orher big name corporation cafeterias. I had my first Vault soda there. "Drinks like a soda, kicks like an energy drink." I set up my voicemail cause my phone works. I received my temporary ID so I can make it past the guards at least. I read two binders worth of material that I think is irrelevant to me because it seems outdated. I read the manual for my new calculator, and realized calculators haven't advanced much since the last one I used in Junior High. And I wrote this blog entry, so I'm off to a pretty productive start.

Interestingly enough, I'm also only the second married guy here. The other married guy just came back to work today. From his wedding. I wonder how old everyone thinks I am?

I'm Hired

After four weeks, dozens of phone calls, six interviews, and three offers, I've finally settled on a position. If you followed my previous post, I declined the growth position, and in the interview with the video game company, we mutually agreed that there would be higher paying opportunities than what they were able to offer. That leaves the brand company, who actually one upped my title from Manager to Supervisor, which was a very pleasant surprise. I accepted the offer and will start on June 21st, which leaves me a week and a half of actual freedom. My new office will be on 49th St. and 8th Ave., so give me a shout out for lunch or a beer if you're in the area. And if you want to have lunch or a beer and you're not in the area, I have an open schedule until June 21st.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

I've been on a job interview every day for the past week. Today is the first day where I don't have to leave the house. (I have an interview by phone at 2:30 PM.) Being unemployed is a lot more work than I anticipated. I've also been spending money on coffee drinks, dry cleaning the suits, and buying a shiny new pair of shoes for the interviews. Haven't received my first unemployment check yet, but they might as well make them out to Starbucks.

I've had two offers so far, and I've already declined one. The current offer I'm sitting on is dependent on the status of two more opportunities. The first is at a very well-know advertising agency; they've expressed interest in having me come in for a second round, but they've yet to confirm a date and time. They also said they weren't sure if they were ready to hire for that particular position, but a second interview gives me hope that they will be. The second opportunity is at a video game company with International offices. The job would require me to visit the European/Asian offices once a quarter, so that could be very interesting for me, as well as allow me to break into an industry which I've always wished to be in. The offer on the table though, is for a profitable but smaller interactive agency, where they would develop a department around me (and I would make up my own title), so the opportunity there could be extremely lucrative as well.

So here's what it's looking like now: growth vs. brand vs. industry.

Worst case scenario: the growth company gets tired of waiting for me to give them an asnwer and declines the offer, the brand company's second interview doesn't happen becuase they've decided they're really not hiring, and the industry company doesn't like me on the first interview becasue I spilled my Starbuck's Banana Creme Frappuccino all over my freshly dry cleaned suit.

I'm hoping that I should have a better idea what direction my porofessional life is going in by the end of the week.

In other news, the latest update for my current fav vido game, City of Villains, just went live, so I can find a way to keep busy in the meantime. And I've got laundry to fold.

Wanted Man

Just ending Week Two of unemployment, and am currently writing this in between interviews at a Starbucks on 40th St. off of Madison, sucking down their new Banana Crème Frappuccino. Spending a couple of hours in midtown in a suit and tie in 80 degree weather is grueling. The biggest difference between this area and the old office at Union Square is that I'm not the only one in a suit and tie in 80 degree weather. Every male in this Starbucks right now is wearing the same corporate uniform except the guys behind the counter. This isn’t a reflection of corporate culture, but it’s still something to consider when accepting a new job. My coffee breaks here may end up costing more than my lunches.

The next day…

I’m in Starbucks again. Now cozying up to a Vanilla Frappuccino and a stranger sharing my table. This Starbucks is in the Barnes & Noble in Union Square, where I lugged my 7 pound laptop over to take advantage of the “free wireless high speed internet access,” as all the signs say. Well, it’s only free to bn.com.

Very clever, Barnes & Noble. Access to any other site will require a subscription based service.

The gentleman sharing my table is on his cell phone discussing the difference between a “dork” and a “geek” as I’m typing this. He’s speaking loudly enough that I’m sure he doesn’t mind that I hear.

Anyway, I just came out of my third interview in two days. This one went pretty well, I think. I already got an offer from my first interview yesterday, and the second interview was talking about hiring me on a contract basis. The big one I’m looking forward to is tomorrow, for a major advertising company. This would be my first choice, but I was forewarned that they weren’t actually looking for someone but would like to meet up with me anyway.

Considering I haven’t actually started looking yet, these are good signs. All the calls I’ve received are from postings of my resume on the major job boards. I haven’t started any company research or contacting anyone on my own yet. (If Barnes & Noble in Union Square really did have free wireless Internet access, I could be doing that right now.) I applied to a couple of corporate toy sites, in the hopes that they may actually be looking for an online marketer. I haven’t really put too much thought in what direction to go in, but the winds seem to be pushing me back towards agency work. I think I can push back, but with no clear direction, maybe I shouldn’t resist too much for now.

More to come…

Weekend Update with The Big KL

No news with the job hunting - Been coughing too much to set up any interviews or even spend too much time in a public place without people thinking I have bird flu. I tried to visit my doctor on Thursday, but they didn't take walk-ins, and I needed to make an appointment ahead of time. If I realized I was going to hack up internal organs on Thursday, I would have scheduled an appointment earlier in the week. I'm sure that Dr. Nobu (not his real name) has his magazines in some really nice magazine racks, and nicely cushioned waiting room chairs, since his office must be so posh that you need to make an appointment ahead of time.

I moved on to a new doctor on Friday, and he hooked me up to these new-fangled devices, and came to the conclusion that I have a mild form of asthma, most likely aggravated by all the allergens in the air. I pop an Allegra now and have an aspirator, like all the cool kids do. The cough seemed to have subsided on Saturday, but then got really bad on Sunday, but I seem ok today, aside from the sniffling (new symptom). Turns out wifey is now sick too (although the doctor said I wasn't contagious), and she had to call in sick today for work.

So once I get better, I'll go aggressive with the calling and the networking, etc. Anyone I speak to on the phone right now will mostly likely think I'm a chain smoker, so a few more days to get better...

Day Three - Breaking (the) News

Everyday is a weekend when you're not working, so I won't be counting Saturday and Sundays as unemployment days. Since this past Sunday was Mother's day though, I first would like to wish all those mom and mom-to-be readers a Happy Mother's Day. My own mom was in Vegas this past weekend, so I spent it with my mother-in-law. While my wife and sibling-in-laws were trying to decipher how to translate "laid off" to break the news to my in-laws over dinner, I chose my words more directly, and just told her "I'm not working anymore." My wife added in the reasons why, and I added "I'm not working so I can stay home and take care of the babies" (we have no childen my wife is not expecting, for the record). My mother-in-law's reaction wasn't too negative from what I could decipher, but I think she said some encouraging words, so I don't think she's too worried.

I told my own mom Monday night, and her first word was "What?!" which I would assume is a combination of disbelief and "not again." She trusts in the professional abilities of her only son, so she was positive about it and had a similar attitude as me: I'll find something better soon enough.

I completed the first draft of my resume and sent it out for review by some of my peers. I remembered my Monster.com log in after two years surprisingly too. I also heard on the news that there will be 1,000 public parks in the US that will offer free wifi by the end of the summer, starting with Central Park. So I can job hunt topless and tan simultaneously.

Day Two - I Don't Need No Stinkin' Resume

I tried to make myself productive today, so I made it a point to head out to the gym and over to the bookstore to do some research. I worked on the resume while on the train and wrote some pretty self-gratifying stuff. I also slotted in lunch with some friends, and it was good to see familiar faces again (since it was a whole day since I last saw them... but frankly, felt like much longer). Over at the bookstore, I picked up a couple of books - the obligatory "... For Dummies" (don't remember what, but it had to do with careers), and thumbed though two books written by Yahoo! Hotjobs*. I settled with a small book called "Don't Send A Resume*." (I'm a sucker for interesting titles and book covers.)

In it were some interesting strategies that in my mind, would probably work. The idea is to send the highest person in the organization that you're applying for a letter that states what's wrong with their business and how it can be improved (after extensive company research, of course), and include examples of how someone with your skillset can improve it and earn more revenue in the long run. You need to treat the company like a buyer, you are the seller, and your skills are the product. The only goal of any company is to make more money, so if you can show exactly what you can do for them to hit that goal, that should get you enough attention to make them come after you. Once you've hooked them, then send your resume. Pretty smart.

Then I met up with wifey and friends, ate sushi, and saw Mission Impossible III. I posted my review on the right - just the important stuff.

* I only send book links to Amazon cause they're the most informational source. Buy.com aggressively undercuts their book prices by 10% compared to Amazon, and their are other cheaper online sources for used books as well.

Day One - Still Unemployed

My first full day of unemployment... A day of limitless possibilities, without the boundaries of time or a commitment to do work of any kind! Knowing that I now have true freedom, I woke up, put on some pants, and played video games on the PC. Two hours later, I brushed my teeth. I couldn't spend the whole day cooped up, so I trekked out the door for my first unemployed adventure. I came back an hour later with a new pair of windshield wipers for the car. Such excitement would tire anyone out, so it was time for an afternoon nap. Hot Pockets for dinner, some Robitussin for my cough, and I was asleep on the couch by 10 PM.

Unemployment is going to take getting used to, but I think I'm handling it pretty well so far.

Some handy info: NY Unemployment Application

No more standing in line to file for unemployment. The miracle of science now allows those of us unemployed that are too busy to leave their homes now file lazier easier than ever.

Out of Office

I've been a bit quiet as of late... anyone notice? My time at home has become engulfed with one of those silly MMORPG's; basically a computer game in a persistent world with other real human players, where you pay a subscription fee to play every month. These things are addicting because (1) they're fun, (2) they provide a social outlet and allow me to keep in touch with friends who aren't local, and (3) because you feel like if you're not playing it, you're wasting money, since you already paid for a month up front. I've mustered up the willpower to finally quit my obsession this past Monday. Withdrawal symptoms aside, I've found my evenings to be more fulfilling now, by watching Ultimate Fighter 3 and playing Brain Age on the couch instead of wasting precious time in front of the computer.

Three days after I quit this game, I get an announcement at work that my position has been terminated. Today was my last day at the new office, and I'm now once again unemployed. Seems like I can't hold a job much longer past two years before I'm forced to move on. But every time I've been pushed away, I end up in something exponentially greater than before. So although I do regret leaving the friends, fast food, and a job that I really didn't mind going to every morning, I know that there's more out there and getting laid off is always the kick in the pants I need to find it.

I'll take a bit of time off to myself, get some chores done, and re-learn how to cook so I can feed myself once again. I'll probably sign back up for that pesky MMORPG again, since I've got a lot more time on my hands now too.

So if anyone knows of someone who could use an online marketer who's tall and has their own blog, let me know. I'll be on my couch or at my computer desk at home in the meantime.

Doggy Poo

On my way to the train station this morning, I observed a man walking his dog and leading him to a grassy spot off the sidewalk to poo. I noticed the man carried no bags, scooping devices, or newspaper to possibly clean up after his dog. After his dog did his doody, the owner promptly tugged at the leash to get outta there. Back on the sidewalk though, the dog walker found something in common with the dog walker before him, as he stepped in dog poo someone left on the sidewalk. Who says karma is a load of crap?

Allow me to segue into the recommendation of a short Korean movie of a similar subject called "Doggy Poo" (which my Korean friend graciously translated the title to actually mean "Puppy Poo"). It's a 20 minute stop-motion-animation about a poo from a pup and its quest to find the meaning of its life. And no, I'm not sh*tting you.

Links to this movie from Blockbuster.com and Netflix.

Food For Thought

I found the most wonderful thing today in my office's freezer: It looks like a corn dog... but it's a breakfast sausage... rolled up in a pancake... on a stick. I couldn't get out of my head what a wonderful idea - what absolute genius - this really is. Whoever this belongs to in my office - I am your best friend.

This reminds me of the time when I was a bit younger, one hot Chicago summer at the annual "Taste of Chicago" food festival. Nothing too mind boggling here... deep dish pizza, some fried meats, seafood... and then I saw it - my new definition of "Chicago." A simple pie-sized slice of plain old-fashioned cheesecake, frozen, and dipped entirely in chocolate. And it wasn't handed to me by the vendor on a plate and there wasn't a plastic utensil anywhere within reach. This slice of icy chocolatey cheesecake was on the end of a stick, like an 800 calorie popsicle.

Here's a version I found by searching for "cheesecake on a stick," from ViennaBeef.com. (Why a site called "Vienna Beef" is selling cheesecake on a stick is beyond me.)

Local Vacation

The Big KL has survived an entire week without adult supervision. Wifey has taken a well-deserved vacation in Cabo San Lucas, with three of her girl friends. I have had my own vacation at home. No longer was it necessary to make the bed or wash the dishes or wait until late night to play video games! I can drink on any night of the week and wake up with a hangover and my clothes from the night before on the floor. It's like living in the college dorms without the college.

When I stayed in on Sunday to fend for myself, I got by with a bowl of cereal, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and some frozen pasta from Costco for dinner. I haven't eaten a meal at home since. I've had four minor hangovers, and have probably consumed twice my body weight in food and drink.

But The Big KL is no longer the strapping young lad he once was. My body is sore and worn from the late nights. I can't help but think that the money spent frivolously could have been more wisely invested. A sink full of dishes and clothes on the floor isn't as novel of an idea as it used to be.

I've had my fun this past week, but I can't stay in vacation mode for too many days before I'm too tired to make it through a day of work or my liver falls out of my body, whichever comes first. It was fun regressing back to a lifestyle I don't even remember living when I was single. But I am an "adult" now, and I undoubredly have many responsibilities I've accepted as my own a few years ago, when I changed my status on every survey I took to "married." And when my biggest responsibility touches down in NY tonight, I'll have to have all the dishes washed and the clothes folded and put away at home.

Thanks to everyone who kept me company, laughing, and inebriated this past week.

Bargain Fashionista

This past weekend, I went shopping with another couple and their out-of-town cousin. This cousin is a retired dancer for an all male dance troupe, stage name "Moshimoshii." Moshi recently retired from the stage due to a bad hip, but continues to travel the world to support the troupe and shop for fine clothing. I've never gone shopping with a male stage dancer with good taste in clothing to boot, but Moshi was kind enough to introduce me to the fine subleties of suede jackets, which I know I would have spilled something on before I got it to the register. Although I wasn't bold enough to buy anything that wasn't stain resistant, I did go home with a pair of Calvin Klein jeans and a more form fitting than usual button down from Banana Rebublic. (It was $15 less than the same shirt a size larger.) Not basing the following comment on my sense of fashion I'm sure, Moshimoshii did say that he wants his next boyfriend to be just like me.

Life Is A Highway

Driving within the five boroughs of New York is not what you want to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon, but it's something that I do every weekend ritualistically. And I can handle the traffic, the bumper to bumper obnoxiousness, and the barbarians of the road. This Sunday though, I traded lanes wth one gentleman, originating from Brooklyn, who would spawn rage in someone who was pushing a shopping cart.

I try to be very careful when I drive - always aware of my surroundings, checking mirrors, and turning my head to check the blind spots. So when I moved from the right lane to the middle lane on the BQE, in about 20 MPH traffic, I could see in at least two ways that it was an open spot. So I signal and turn, when I hear an approaching flock of angry geese. I instinctly swerve back to my lane, straddling the line now, and see in my mirror at a good length behind me, this ugly orange auto closing in, horn blaring. I wish I could have properly identified his car; I think it was a 1989 POS. At this point, several things race through my mind:

• This guy is an arse
• I've got plenty of room in the middle lane still
• This arse has a loud horn and also has brakes

So I conclude to move back to the middle lane with his melodic horn cheering me on.

Now my new friend behind me is visibly agitated because he hasn't yet learned to drive without large spaces in front of him in 20 MPH traffic, so he shifts into the left lane and attempts to cut in front of me. I think this worked in First Grade when we would line up to leave class and you cut the line to hang out with your friend, so I think he just wanted to hang out with me, maybe teach him how to drive. While looking for his opening, he slows down enough that he's leaving a busload of space in front. At this point, I'm thinking that this guy just has really bad depth perception. So I let him get in front, and he swerves rapidly over like an ugly neon orange motorcycle from Tron, and I take his place in the left lane to cover all the empty space he ignored. As I pass him, his car seems to be calling out to me: "Help me..." I fight the urge to wave goodbye to my new friend with the top of my finger, knowing that another slight distraction might not be good for him and his poor 1989 POS.

On another note, have you ever noticed that there are at least three universal hand gestures for cursing at someone, but not even one for "thank you?"

Movin' On Up

The biggest change in The Big KL's life right now: the big office move. The company I work for has re-rooted itself from the humble beginnings at the studio office by the mouth of the Holland Tunnel to big time Union Square. We started off with half a dozen people in a studio office, I became employee #13 about a year after its inception, and in two years we grew to four studio offices within the same building. After years of rolling my Herman Miller chair over splintering wood floors and attending meetings that were standing room only, we now have an actual office in an office building on 5th Avenue, a bit south off 14th street. We finally share one room again, with industrial strength carpet, and 5 separate conference rooms with real chairs in each one. Our old sink and over-flowing mini fridge, looking like it was nabbed from a college dorm, is now a full fledged kitchen with full size refrigerator. Instead of two local delis filled with exhaust fumes from the gateway to New Jersey, we've now got an endless amount of chain, fast food, and local eateries every few feet. I've spent a portion of my paycheck on the past few days alone on Dunkin Donuts coffee, Quizno's, and Chipotle, offering many more alternatives to salads with flies (and hopefully no salads at all). No more running along the West Side highway when I can run to Chat 'N' Chew for mac and cheese. I found a place to buy a new dog, three places to take care of my new dog, and even more places to get my nails done. Look for me to become fatter and poorer over the next few months. Unless I join one of the local gyms, but I don't see that happening anytime soon... Don't want to ruin my new nails with those heavy weights.

More official info and a few pics here, from my company's official blog.

Lettuce Be Healthy

Anyone who knows me, knows I don't like my vegetables. So when I begrudgingly chose to eat a salad for lunch today, you know I must be on one extreme health kick. I prefer salads with more protein than ruffage. I've found only two types of deli-prepared salads I'm willing to eat entirely on their own: a Cobb salad, which has poultry, bacon, bleu cheese, and a hard boiled egg; and a Chef's salad, containing turkey, ham, cheese, and similarly, a hard boiled egg. Today, I find a $6 Chef salad at my local deli.Notice the double exclamation points on the label - "CHEF SALAD!!" So exciting, it It has to be good!! It has the essential Boar's Head brand ham, turkey, cheese, and obligatory hard boiled egg. All for $5.95! Yum. (Sort of.) So back at my desk, I'm shoving salad dressing drenched foliage, with bits of brand name cold cuts, into my maw, and trying to convince myself that I'm enjoying this. When I get to the egg, I see this along the shiny, white surface:That little black dot, is a small, deceased, once flying insect. This is not totally unexpected, and I'm thankful that my little lunch date was easily spotted on the egg and not anywhere less conspicuous (and I'm safely assuming he has no local friends in my salad). Although stuffed from the various leaves I've already consumed, I was determined not to let a mere insect halt my progress. I had fun grossing out my co-workers with my little discovery, but was eventually forced to pick around the salad and finish my lunch, or pass out from hunger. I sacrificed my hard boiled egg, but one must make sacrifices if they are to be an emblem of good health as I am!

I ended the day with a slice of lemon iced pound cake to make up for my healthy lunch.

Rusty The Narcoleptic Dog

This is Rusty. He has narcolepsy. Watch Rusty run.

Thanks to www.devilducky.com and the kind Google representative who IM'ed the link to me.

Glutton for Punishment

I have sinned. This was a bad week for me - a week of unintended gluttony. A sampler of my thee day feast:

• Olive Garden's Chicken Vino Bianco and unlimited breadsticks
• TGIFriday's saucer sized Oreo Madness cookie sundae
• East's $16 Chinese food and sushi lunch buffet
• Large lasagna pizza

How fortunate for me that my weekend was over. But the fun didn't end there: I had a client dinner Tuesday night at the Strip House, a high end steak place by Union Square. I was convinced into getting the ribeye because it was "fattier." And from the first flavorful bite, I tasted delicious steak, slightly crispy, dripping with juices and butter. And bite after bite, more grease and butter. Sometimes my food challenges me... It sits on my plate and mocks me with aromas and fancy garnish. And the ribeye tonight was my most brazen opponent yet. Halfway through, I was beaten. I no longer tasted a cut of perfectly cooked beef. I only felt charred grease from my tongue to my tummy. Flashbacks of breadsticks and sushi added to my discomfort. I surrendered my fork down and ordered a beer to settle things down. (The beer found conflict though with the two glasses of red wine already taking up vacancy in my gut.) After the creme brulee, apple strudel, and chocolate profiterol, the clients were happy, stomachs were heavy, and I needed desperately to lie down on the carpeted restaurant floor.

Wednesday, the next morning, I felt like a man who was 8 months pregnant on a sailboat. I'll take the day easy and get some Chexican (which is Mexican food prepared by Chinese people). A cheap beef fajita and chicken quesadilla for lunch... was my worst choice of 2006. And lo and behold - an appointment on my calendar for this evening - a birthday dinner at a Korean barbecue restaurant. Before the work day ends, I add "911" to my cell phone's speed dial.

I intend to drink water and not eat unlimited anything for the next few days, at least. Forgive my sin - If this feeling of day after day nausea was what I had to pay for gluttony, I will never sin again.

Valentine's Day for Men

Valentine's Day has the highest potential for man trouble, out of any official calendar holiday. Today, February 14th, the men of the office are interrogated with "What are you doing for her"" while the women are inquired "What's he doing for you?" I caught one fellow man out the door at lunch to run to the spa for a last-minute gift, and he informed me that there were four other guys in front of him with the same idea. The trains were crowded with fistfuls of flowers and boxes of sweets from the local drugstore, all clutched by men, sweating from their panicked shopping sprees.

Who's plan was it to force men into a more stressful state than in the days before Christmas? Was Saint Valentine a man hater? Why do only the men have to prove their love?

In fact, you ladies should consider these Valentine-themed gifts for next year:

• If you received a bouquet of 12+ roses that will die in the next 48 hours; consider a case of 12+ cans of beer that he will drink in the next 48 hours
• If you received a heart-shaped box of chocolates; consider a heart shaped steak, cooked rare so it's pink in the middle.
• If you received jewelry - an Xbox 360 with heart-red faceplate

With these simple suggestions, make any man look forward to the next Valentine's Day!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run before the drug store closes...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Snow Day

It snowed in New York yesterday. The forecast called for up to 12 inches on Saturday, depending on your weather source, and at 8 PM the snow still wasn't sticking yet. By midnight the cars were blanketed in scattered white and the sidewalks had a little sprinkling, like in those old Magic Carpet commercials. By 7 AM Sunday morning, small children were Iost in the fortresses of snow surrounding every house.

The city broke a new record: 26.9 inches of snow in Central Park. The previous record of 26.4 inches occurred back in 1947, before there was a weather.com. (Imagine how surprised the New Yorkers back then were!) The next few days we'll see warming weather, and much slushiness abound in town. Although I'm not sure at this point if I'd rather have a sore lower back from shoveling, or cold and wet feet from slush-puddle hopping.

Keep your boots on and watch your step, New York.

Happy ValenSwine's

I saw something quite amusing on the news yesterday. Apparently, February 13th is a recognized holiday - ValenSwine's Day. This is the day that restaurants and other romantic spots expect an influx of romantic men - to wine and dine their mistresses, reserving the actual Valentine's Day for their wives. I was certainly impressed when I heard this, and I hope this alleviates the stereotype that men are inconsiderate and never remember the important holidays.

See the full 3 minute video story here from the WB 11 News in New York...

Cult Of The Groundhog

Today was Groundhog Day! Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous climate predicting rodent, states that we will have 6 more weeks of winter. I wouldn't say that's a bad thing, since we've been having a very mild winter in NY so far, don't ya' think?

I did a little research and watched this video from Netscape.com - the fat little hairy guy in the picture is named after the town in Pennsylvania where they perform the ceremony, and they've been doing it since 1886 (hopefully with more than one groundhog by now). The slightly larger guy in the top hat is a member of the "Inner Circle," a disturbingly-sounding cult-like name for a group of well-dressed, older gentlemen who have dedicated a good portion of their public life to running this ceremony once a year and taking care of the idolised ball of fur. If you visit Groundhog.org, you can see to 20+ members of the Inner Circle, and can wonder like me, why it takes so many men to feed one groundhog.

Sold Out

I've spent nearly the past two years of my professional career hitting happy hours and working in Search Engine Marketing. Since I won't be making any extra money from the happy hours asides from drunken bets involving my clothing and dollar bills, I've decided to tap into my other resources and target minor profitability with a little online advertising. What you see above, loyal readers, is a Contextual Ad from Google. "What is this 'contextual ad'" you ask? Basically it scans or "spiders" sites for relevant keywords, and will present or "serve" an ad based on what it finds. My previous post on fast food chicken products yielded an ad for a Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise. It's also interesting to see day-to-day what kind of ads the spider will serve up next based on the content on this page. Wow - fun and profitability!

My fellow blogger made 60 cents in a month advertising this way. Please don't get me wrong though; you, my readers, are more important than profit. If you find the use of advertising space either offensive or intrusive, leave me a comment and I'll compare the value of your visit to 60 cents and get back to you.

Pigs Will Fly

A ridiculous chat conversation that was taken much too seriously...

jl: I heard they are cross genetically mutating pigs with chickens, to produce a better tasting pork/chicken meat that is good for you...
bb: what will they call it?
bb: picken?
bb: chork
d8: I'm chorking my picken
jl: I heard KFC is gonna be serving this new type of meat
d8: I'll have the 12 piece of chork
jl: That's why they abbreviated their name from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC
bb: breast of chork
jl: for legal reasons...
bb: and a leg of picken
jl: Can't really use "Chicken"
d8: I'll have a chiggen nugget
bb: kentucky fried chork
d8: KFC we do Chork Right
bb: hmmm.. will chorks lay eggs?
bb: maybe make peggs?
jl: I heard they will be infertile, cuz their hybrid
bb: and fueled w/ batteries...
jl: They named the very 1st one, Peshman
jl: But it only survived a couple days...
jl: Trying to find that website again, where I read all this...
d8: wow some weird wild wacky stuff
bb: i dont think pple will eat it
bb: its just too weird
jl: They won't sell it in markets...
jl: They just sell the meat to fast food places like McD's
jl: to make nuggets and other products

On a related note, you know that you can get 6 pieces McDonald's Chicken McNuggets for a buck now? Only until January 31st, so pick up your Chicken McNuggets while it's... uh... still chicken.

Post Holiday Party

On Wednesday, January 18th, we had our much-delayed Holiday party. "Your company threw a party for Martin Luther King Jr. day?" I was asked. No, not for Martin Luther King Jr., but for the holiday in 2005 that was thrown askew due to the transit strike the week before Christmas.

We just bounced back to the office from the third three-day-weekend in two months, and the stress level wasn't high enough to fully appreciate a good, relaxing, open bar office party. Once through the door of Grace though, the throng of co-workers and their guests (limit one per co-worker) pressed up against the forty foot long bar negated any notion of sober anti-socialism.

Many conversations, glasses, and hours later, I'm reminded by my co-workers of great things that I've done and said the night before:

• I made a date with someone's boyfriend to go rock climbing.
• I put a slice of chocolate cake in someone's pocket, which the recipient ate when he got home.
• I didn't understand why being in California was a legitimate reason to not make it to the party.
• I discussed astrology which led me to the astrological and dreams analysis page of Glamour.com, and discovered Cancer was my "rising sign."
• I impressed a couple on how I passed Chemistry for Engineers in college with a 0 on my final, and still passed the class because of the curve.

And to end the evening:

• I paid cab fare through my coworker with a $20 bill and two brown sugar packets. And I'm still waiting for my change.

I was also very flattered by the following comment from my co-worker's spouse:

"I like talking to the Big KL. It
feels like I'm in Middle School all over again."

Fruit in France More Adulterous

I haven't been this amused in a while...
It's sadder when fruit has more drama in their lives than I do.

To give credit, this came from:
http://images12.fotki.com/v243/photos/4/43115/147386/b9961762-vi.jpg

New Year's Revolution

A few of you loyal readers have been kind enough to remind me that I've not been posting as frequently as I used to. You can assume that blogging more frequently is probably not one of my New Year's Resolutions.

Work has been a bit hectic after two weeks of slacking for the holidays, and although things are shaping up for my company as a whole, some drama within my account team makes going to work every day everyday less fun than it should be. On the home front, the passing of wifey's grandfather right before New Year's has kept things on the somber side. The overwhleming support she's received from family and friends though, has been much appreciated and was without a doubt immensely helpful to her and her family.

I've always been a believer in what goes down can only go up (except for my stock portfolio), so after a rough couple of weeks in January, things are looking up. So stay tuned faithful readers, because 2006 should be an eventful year.

And Happy New Year to all!